Primitive Skills Instructor Cannot Open Childproof Aspirin Bottle After Day of Bow-Making

Primitive skills instructor Rowan Flint, who spent Saturday demonstrating his ability to create a functional bow from a raw log using only stone tools, was unable to open a childproof aspirin bottle that evening, according to his wife. 'He split a hickory log with a stone wedge in front of forty people,' said Diana Flint. 'Reduced it to a stave, roughed out a bow with a flint scraper, tillered it using a rock as a fulcrum, and shot it before lunch. Then he came home, tried to open the Bayer bottle, and I found him twenty minutes later trying to pry it open with the same flint scraper.' Flint, whose courses on primitive bow-making regularly sell out, acknowledged the incident but disputed its significance. 'Those caps are designed to defeat children,' Flint said, nursing hands swollen from a full day of gripping stone tools. 'I am not a child. I am a man whose fine motor function has temporarily abandoned him after eight hours of percussion flaking and scraping. There's a difference.' The aspirin was needed for what Flint described as 'the natural consequence of doing everything the hard way on purpose,' specifically pain in his hands, shoulders, and what he called 'my tillering elbow.' Diana eventually opened the bottle using the technique printed on the cap: push down and turn. 'I suggested he try reading the instructions,' Diana said. 'He told me primitive man didn't have instructions. I told him primitive man didn't have aspirin either, and yet here we are.' Flint has announced that his next workshop will cover primitive medicine. Diana has preemptively opened all medicine bottles in the house.