Mandatory Fun Committee Achieves Record Low Morale Scores

The Department of Workforce Engagement's Mandatory Fun Committee, established in January with a mandate to 'cultivate joy and foster a vibrant workplace culture,' has driven employee morale to its lowest recorded level since the department began tracking satisfaction metrics in 2009. The committee, chaired by Human Resources Specialist Brenda Enthusiasm, organized 34 mandatory team-building events over a 12-week period, including Trust Falls Tuesday, Synergy Bingo, a departmental lip-sync battle, and a week-long 'Gratitude Sprint' during which employees were required to submit three written expressions of workplace gratitude per day. 'Participation was excellent,' Enthusiasm reported. 'Ninety-eight percent attendance across all events.' 'Participation was mandatory,' clarified union representative Steven Optional. 'The two percent who didn't attend were on medical leave. One of them was on medical leave because of Trust Falls Tuesday.' The quarterly morale survey, conducted in April, returned an average satisfaction score of 1.4 out of 10, down from 4.7 in December. Free-response comments included 'I used to merely dislike my job,' 'Please make it stop,' and 'I have developed a Pavlovian stress response to the sound of a ukulele,' a reference to the committee's practice of opening each event with a mandatory sing-along. 'These scores are disappointing,' Enthusiasm acknowledged. 'But they tell me we need to do more, not less. We're planning a Mandatory Fun Intensive for Q3 -- a full week of bonding activities culminating in a department-wide talent show.' Forty-seven employees have submitted transfer requests since the announcement. Three have submitted retirement paperwork. One has submitted both, 'just to cover all bases.' The Mandatory Fun Committee has scheduled a meeting to discuss the morale scores. Attendance is mandatory.