Cynthia Triplicate

Former civil servant who spent 23 years perfecting the art of the interdepartmental memo before turning to journalism.

19 articles

Writes for The Bureaucrat's Bulletin

Joined February 10, 2026

Articles by Cynthia Triplicate

Telework Policy Requires Employees to Be in the Office to Apply for Telework

The application must be submitted on a physical form available only from the HR office, notarized by the building's notary, and hand-delivered to a supervisor who works remotely.

Suggestion Box Requires 12-Page Formal Proposal to Submit a Suggestion

The protocol includes a cost-benefit analysis template, a risk assessment, and a mandatory section titled 'Why Existing Processes Are Not Already Addressing This.'

Department Issues Formal Apology for Informal Apology That Violated Apology Protocol

The original apology, delivered verbally and without the required Apology Impact Assessment, has itself become the subject of a compliance investigation.

Government Shutdown Passes Unnoticed, Raising Uncomfortable Questions

The three-week shutdown in November went entirely undetected by the public and most employees, raising uncomfortable questions about the necessity of several departments.

Retiring Director's Exit Interview Scheduled for Three Years After Retirement Date

The interview, mandated by HR Protocol 19-C, was delayed by a backlog of 4,200 unprocessed exit interviews dating back to 2016.

Telework Policy Requires Employees to Be in the Office to Apply for Telework

The application must be submitted on a physical form available only from the HR office, notarized by the building's notary, and hand-delivered to a supervisor who works remotely.

Department's Suggestion Box Requires Formal Proposal to Submit a Suggestion

The 12-page Suggestion Submission Protocol includes a cost-benefit analysis template, a risk assessment, and a mandatory section titled 'Why Existing Processes Are Not Already Addressing This.'

Office Thermostat Dispute Escalated to Secretary of the Interior

The conflict between employees who prefer 68 degrees and those who prefer 74 degrees has consumed 1,400 person-hours, involved three mediators, and produced a 90-page report.

Whistleblower Hotline Rings to Voicemail That Has Been Full Since 2019

The hotline, touted as the department's 'commitment to transparency and accountability,' has been unable to accept new messages for six years, a fact reported by a whistleblower who could not reach the hotline.

Emergency Preparedness Plan Found to Be Unprepared for Actual Emergency

The 400-page plan, updated annually for 15 years, was discovered during a power outage to be stored exclusively on the server that had lost power.

Department Issues Formal Apology for Informal Apology That Violated Apology Protocol

The original apology, delivered verbally and without the required Apology Impact Assessment, has itself become the subject of a compliance investigation.

Performance Review System Crashes Under Weight of Own Rubric

The new 147-criteria evaluation matrix was so complex that the software designed to process it exceeded the department's server capacity and had to be reviewed by a performance review.

New Parking Permit System Requires Employees to Justify Owning a Car

Applicants must submit a 500-word essay explaining their 'transportation philosophy' and provide three references from other vehicle owners.

Mandatory Fun Committee Achieves Record Low Morale Scores

The committee, formed in January to boost employee satisfaction, has driven morale to levels not seen since the Great Paper Clip Rationing of 2017.

Government Shutdown Narrowly Averted After Discovery That No One Noticed the Last One

The three-week shutdown in November went entirely undetected by the public and most employees, raising uncomfortable questions about the necessity of several departments.

Interdepartmental Turf War Erupts Over Jurisdiction of Hallway Between Two Departments

Both departments claim custodial authority over the 40-foot corridor, which has gone uncleaned for seven months while the dispute is adjudicated.

Government Agency Achieves New Milestone: Zero Percent of Emails Read

An internal audit found that the Department of Communications Oversight has not opened a single incoming email since migrating to a new email system in 2021, owing to a filter that routes all messages to a folder no one knows about.

Compliance Officer Develops Allergic Reaction to Non-Compliance

The condition, which doctors have tentatively classified as 'regulatory hypersensitivity,' causes the sufferer to break out in hives whenever a form is submitted with a missing signature.

Fire Drill Postponed Pending Completion of Fire Drill Approval Form

The mandatory safety exercise cannot proceed until the Safety Compliance Office signs off on the form that the Safety Compliance Office itself created and then lost.