Telework Policy Requires Employees to Be in the Office to Apply for Telework
The application must be submitted on a physical form available only from the HR office, notarized by the building's notary, and hand-delivered to a supervisor who works remotely.

The Department of Workforce Modernization has unveiled a new telework policy that requires employees to be physically present in the office to submit, process, and receive approval for a telework arrangement, a requirement that several staff members have noted defeats the purpose of telework.
The policy, outlined in a 44-page document titled 'Flexible Work Arrangement Protocol 2025,' mandates that telework applications be submitted on physical Form TW-9, available exclusively from the Human Resources office on the sixth floor. The form must be notarized by the building's in-house notary, counter-signed by the applicant's supervisor, and hand-delivered to the Telework Coordination Office in Room 201.
'We need to verify the employee's identity in person,' explained HR Director Barbara Proximity. 'How else would we know they're really who they say they are?'
The requirement has created a logistical paradox for employees who live far from the office and are applying for telework specifically because commuting is burdensome.
'I drive ninety minutes each way,' said data analyst Robert Remote. 'I applied for telework so I wouldn't have to make that drive. I had to make the drive to submit the application, then make it again to pick up the notarized copy, and I'll have to make it again for the in-person telework orientation, which is a four-hour seminar called Succeeding From Home.'
Adding to the irony, the supervisor who must counter-sign the form -- Division Chief Angela Offsite -- works remotely three days a week under a telework arrangement she obtained before the new policy took effect.
'I'm only in the office on Tuesdays and Thursdays,' Offsite confirmed. 'So applicants need to coordinate their office visits with my in-office days, which requires submitting a Meeting Request Form, which is also physical.'
The Telework Coordination Office has processed eleven applications in the policy's first three months. Eight were denied for procedural errors. Two were approved. One applicant withdrew after calculating that the application process required more office visits than the telework arrangement would eliminate.
The department has described the new policy as 'a thoughtful balance between flexibility and accountability.'
AI-generated satirical fiction. Not real news.
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