Official Stamp Collection Now Requires Its Own Stamp of Approval

The Department of Verification issued Directive 2025-0091 on Monday, requiring that all official departmental stamp inventories be formally stamped, verified, and counter-stamped before any individual stamp in the inventory may be used for its intended purpose. The directive, which applies to all 47 official stamps maintained by the Office of Document Authentication, has created what internal critics are calling 'a recursive approval crisis.' 'To use Stamp A, you need it to be verified by Stamp B,' explained Chief Stamp Custodian Vera Impression. 'But to use Stamp B, it also needs to be verified. By Stamp A. Which hasn't been verified yet. We're in what I believe the philosophers call an infinite regress.' The directive was prompted by an audit that discovered three unauthorized stamps in circulation -- stamps that had never been formally registered in the Master Stamp Registry (Form SR-100), verified by the Stamp Verification Officer, or assigned an Official Stamp Identification Number. 'Unregistered stamps undermine the entire document authentication framework,' said Directive author Philip Inkpad. 'If we can't trust that a stamp has been stamped, how can we trust anything it stamps?' The three unauthorized stamps were traced to a retired clerk who had been using a personal rubber stamp bearing the words 'REVIEWED AND NOTED' for approximately twelve years. An estimated 8,400 documents now bear a stamp of uncertain legitimacy. 'We'll need to re-review all 8,400 documents,' Inkpad confirmed. 'Each re-review will require three stamps. Which will first need to be stamped.' The Department of Verification has requested an emergency budget allocation to purchase additional stamps. The request is awaiting stamped approval.