Local Climber Claims 'Zen' Achieved While Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place (Literally)

Our quiet corner of the climbing world was briefly shaken this Tuesday when Bartholomew “Bart” Higgins, 47, of Oakhaven, reported achieving a state of profound enlightenment… while wedged approximately 15 feet up ‘Old Man Hemlock’ at Devil’s Tooth crag. According to Higgins, a self-described ‘weekend warrior’ and accountant, the experience began as a fairly standard miscalculation involving a questionable foot placement and an overestimation of his core strength. It escalated, however, when rescue efforts proved… challenging. “It was… liberating,” Higgins recounted, still slightly dusty and smelling faintly of pine needles. “All the anxieties about quarterly reports, the HOA meetings, Brenda’s passive-aggressive potluck contributions… they just *melted* away. I was one with the granite, you see.” Rescue teams, comprised of the Oakhaven Volunteer Fire Department and a surprisingly patient group of teenage climbing instructors, spent nearly three hours devising a pulley system involving a garden hose, a slightly disgruntled llama (don’t ask), and a whole lot of duct tape. Sources report Higgins continued to offer unsolicited philosophical insights throughout the ordeal, including a lengthy discourse on the existential dread of carabiner selection. “Honestly,” sighed Fire Chief Mildred McMillan, “I’ve rescued cats from trees with less drama. But hey, if getting stuck helps a man find inner peace, who am I to judge? Just… maybe stick to the gym, Bart.” Higgins, meanwhile, is reportedly drafting a self-help book titled ‘Ascending Beyond Your Limitations (and Possibly Your Physical Capabilities)’. Early chapters focus heavily on the importance of proper belaying and avoiding llamas. The *Climber’s Chronicle* will, of course, be providing updates… and possibly a safety seminar.