Whistleblower's Explosive Revelation Is That His Supervisor Is 'Kind of Rude'

Self-described government whistleblower Carl Deepthroat held a press conference Saturday to release what he called '400 pages of classified documents proving systemic corruption at the highest levels,' which upon review by journalists turned out to be printed emails between Deepthroat and his supervisor, Margaret, about the temperature of their shared office. 'Read the emails,' Deepthroat urged, sliding a manila envelope across the table to assembled reporters. 'Pay attention to the tone. Margaret is clearly hiding something.' The emails, spanning a period from January to October 2024, document an escalating dispute about whether the office thermostat should be set to 70 or 72 degrees Fahrenheit. Highlights include Margaret's email of March 14 ('Per my last email, the thermostat is set per building policy'), which Deepthroat has annotated in red pen with the words 'VEILED THREAT.' 'When someone says per my last email, they're telling you to back off,' Deepthroat explained. 'That's intimidation. That's what they do to people who ask too many questions about temperature.' Deepthroat, who works as a data entry specialist at the Department of Motor Vehicles, says he has been 'targeted' since raising concerns about the thermostat in January, citing evidence that includes Margaret assigning him the desk nearest the air vent, declining his suggestion for a team pizza party, and once not holding the elevator. 'These are classic retaliation tactics,' Deepthroat said. 'I'm being silenced for speaking truth to power about thermal comfort.' Margaret, reached for comment, said: 'Carl is a fine employee. The thermostat is set to 71. I don't know what else he wants.' Deepthroat described this response as 'exactly what someone with something to hide would say.'