Clean Eating Influencer Discovers That Dirt Is Not, in Fact, Clean

Wellness influencer and clean eating advocate Sage Chlorophyll has publicly reversed her position on 'soil-based nutrition' -- a practice she promoted for three months, during which she consumed small quantities of organic garden soil for its alleged probiotic properties -- after receiving a parasitology report that she described as 'inconsistent with my wellness philosophy.' Chlorophyll, whose Instagram account @CleanSageEats has 890,000 followers, began the soil-eating practice in October after attending a retreat where a 'grounding nutritionist' described topsoil as 'nature's probiotic supplement, containing a microbial diversity that no fermented food can match.' 'I was told that our ancestors ate soil regularly and that's why they had stronger immune systems,' Chlorophyll said in a tearful Instagram Live. 'Nobody mentioned the parasites. Nobody mentioned the heavy metals. Nobody mentioned that the word clean in clean eating is not supposed to be about the eating surface being clean, which it wasn't, because it was dirt.' Chlorophyll's daily soil protocol involved consuming one tablespoon of 'artisanal topsoil' sourced from a regenerative farm in Sonoma County. The soil was marketed as 'organic, biodynamic, and hand-harvested' and sold in mason jars for $34 each. 'I thought it tasted earthy in a good way,' Chlorophyll recalled. 'My holistic nutritionist said the taste was evidence of microbial activity. My gastroenterologist said the taste was evidence of eating dirt.' The parasitology report, conducted after Chlorophyll developed symptoms she initially attributed to 'detoxification,' revealed the presence of two species of nematode not typically found in the human gastrointestinal tract. 'They were not probiotics,' confirmed Dr. Alan Helminth, the parasitologist who treated Chlorophyll. 'They were parasites. The distinction is important. A probiotic is a microorganism that benefits your health. A parasite is an organism that lives inside you and benefits itself. The soil contained both, but the patient was only hoping for one of them.' Chlorophyll has removed all soil-related content from her platforms and has pivoted to promoting fermented foods, which she describes as 'soil energy without the soil.' Her followers have responded with a mix of support and the observation that 'maybe we shouldn't eat things from the ground that are the ground.'