Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, Soy-Free, Nut-Free Restaurant Opens; Menu Is a Glass of Water

A new restaurant in Santa Monica called Absence has opened to mixed reviews after diners discovered that its commitment to being simultaneously gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, nut-free, nightshade-free, lectin-free, FODMAP-free, seed-oil-free, and free of 'foods that create energetic dissonance' has resulted in a menu that consists exclusively of water. 'We didn't set out to serve only water,' said owner and chef Harmony Void. 'We set out to create a dining experience free from every ingredient that might cause inflammation, sensitivity, or spiritual misalignment. We eliminated gluten. Then dairy. Then soy and nuts. Then nightshades -- that's tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, potatoes. Then lectins, which eliminated most grains and legumes. Then FODMAPs, which took out garlic, onions, and most fruits. By the time we finished eliminating, we had water. And honestly? The water is incredible.' The restaurant's water menu features 12 varieties sourced from springs, glaciers, and aquifers around the world, ranging in price from $8 for a domestic still water to $47 for a Tasmanian rainwater 'harvested during the full moon and filtered through volcanic basalt.' Reviews have been polarized. A five-star review on Yelp reads: 'Finally, a restaurant that takes elimination seriously. I've been looking for a dining experience that doesn't trigger any of my 34 food sensitivities, and Absence delivered. The Icelandic spring water had remarkable minerality, and I didn't bloat at all. Five stars.' A one-star review reads: 'It's water. They gave me water. For twenty-three dollars. There were no chairs because the chairs were made of wood and wood comes from trees and trees produce pollen and pollen is an allergen. I stood at a glass counter and drank water. I have been to prison. The food was better.' Void has defended the concept. 'The human body is 60 percent water. We're simply working with what you already are. Every other restaurant is adding things. We're returning you to your essence.' Absence is open Tuesday through Saturday, 5 PM to 10 PM. Reservations are required. A four-course water tasting is available for $89 per person. Gratuity is not included.