Supplement Stack Theologian Declares Creatine 'The Father, the Son, and the Whey Protein'

Competitive amateur bodybuilder and self-described 'supplement theologian' Chase Anabolic has published a 12,000-word manifesto on his website detailing a supplement philosophy that organizes his 47-supplement daily regimen into a quasi-religious framework, complete with 'morning sacraments,' 'afternoon devotionals,' and 'evening rites,' and which positions creatine monohydrate as 'the foundational truth upon which all other supplementation is built.' The manifesto, titled 'The Supplement Doctrine: A Living Text,' opens with the declaration: 'In the beginning, there was creatine. And creatine was good. And from creatine came ATP, and from ATP came the ability to do one more rep, and from that rep came everything.' Anabolic's daily supplement protocol, which costs approximately $340 per month and requires its own dedicated shelf in his kitchen, is divided into three 'phases of devotion': The Morning Sacrament (6:00 AM): Creatine monohydrate, whey protein isolate, vitamin D3, omega-3, magnesium glycinate, ashwagandha, rhodiola rosea, B-complex, zinc, and 'a moment of gratitude for bioavailability.' The Afternoon Devotional (12:00 PM): BCAAs, citrulline malate, beta-alanine, caffeine anhydrous, L-theanine, turmeric with black pepper extract, and 'a quiet contemplation of one's training split.' The Evening Rite (9:00 PM): Casein protein, ZMA, melatonin, glycine, tart cherry extract, and 'a reading from the label of whichever supplement is newest to the rotation.' 'Most people take supplements. I practice supplementation,' Anabolic said in an interview conducted over a protein shake that contained, by his count, eleven ingredients. 'There's a difference. Taking a multivitamin is like saying you believe in something. Building a 47-supplement stack optimized for circadian biorhythms is a way of life.' Anabolic's physician, Dr. Sarah Baseline, has reviewed his blood work and noted that 'his labs are normal. Not extraordinary. Normal. Consistent with a healthy adult who eats vegetables, exercises regularly, and could probably achieve the same results with a multivitamin and a good night's sleep.' Anabolic has dismissed this assessment as 'reductionist.' He is currently developing a 14-week supplement periodization cycle that he describes as 'the liturgical calendar of gains.'