Town's Oldest Resident Turns Out to Be Three Folk Heroes in a Trench Coat

The residents of Briarhollow, Vermont, are reeling from the revelation that Ezekiel Thorne, the town's beloved oldest resident and living repository of local folk history, is not a single person but rather three distinct folk heroes operating in shifts inside an oversized wool overcoat. The deception was uncovered when a visiting genealogist noticed that Thorne's personal recollections spanned events that were 'temporally impossible for one human lifespan, even an exceptionally long one.' 'He claimed to remember both the 1869 mill fire AND the 2019 craft brewery opening with equal firsthand clarity,' said genealogist Miriam Descent. 'When I pressed him, two additional heads briefly emerged from the collar of his coat. It was startling.' Town officials have since confirmed that 'Ezekiel Thorne' is a collective identity maintained by three figures from regional folk tradition: Tall Barnaby, a legendary lumberjack believed to have felled the last old-growth pine in Vermont; Cunning Greta, a folk healer renowned for curing livestock ailments with 'stern conversation'; and the Briarhollow Whistler, a mysterious figure whose identity has been debated for over a century. 'The Whistler's identity is no longer debated,' said the town historian, flatly. 'He was the bottom third of Ezekiel Thorne. He was the legs.' The three folk heroes issued a joint statement expressing regret for the deception but explaining that 'modern bureaucracy requires a fixed address and a Social Security number, neither of which legendary figures typically possess.' Briarhollow's mayor has asked the trio to continue attending town meetings, noting that 'Ezekiel' has been the most reliable attendee for the past 40 years. The trio has agreed, provided they can switch to a longer coat.