Heraldic Artist Spends 400 Hours on Achievement Only for Client to Request 'Something Simpler'

A heraldic artist who spent 400 hours producing an illuminated grant of arms on vellum has been asked by the client to 'maybe simplify it a bit' after the finished piece was described as 'quite busy' and 'hard to see from across the room.' The artist, Rosalind Vellum, specializes in hand-painted heraldic documents using techniques unchanged since the 15th century. The commission, for a newly granted coat of arms, featured a quartered shield with sixteen charges, elaborate mantling in six tinctures, a helm affronty, a torse, a crest featuring a demi-griffin holding an astrolabe, and two supporters standing on a compartment of wildflowers. 'It is the most complex achievement I have ever rendered,' Vellum said. 'The mantling alone took eighty hours. Each leaf of acanthus was painted with a single-hair brush. The gold leaf was applied in seven layers.' The client, whose identity is protected by heraldic confidentiality conventions, reportedly viewed the completed work in silence for approximately two minutes before asking, 'Could we maybe just do the shield? Without all the... stuff around it?' 'The stuff around it is the mantling, helm, crest, and supporters,' Vellum clarified. 'It is the entire heraldic achievement. Without it, you have a decorated coaster.' The client indicated that a 'decorated coaster' was more in line with his expectations and asked whether the shield could be made 'a bit bigger and with fewer things on it.' Vellum has not yet responded to the revision request. Colleagues report she has been 'very quiet' since the meeting and has been seen staring at her single-hair brushes with an expression described as 'the thousand-yard stare of the creatively aggrieved.' The vellum, which was hand-prepared from calfskin at a cost of $300, cannot be reused.