Neighbor's New Flag Declared 'Heraldic Abomination' by HOA

The Meadowbrook Heights Homeowners Association voted unanimously Tuesday to condemn resident Frank Bidwell's new garden flag as a 'heraldic abomination' that violates community standards, good taste, and approximately nine centuries of armorial tradition. The flag, which Bidwell purchased from a garden center for $12.99, features a purple butterfly on a blue background — a colour-on-colour violation that HOA president and amateur herald Patricia Escutcheon called 'an act of visual terrorism.' 'Purpure on azure,' Escutcheon said, her voice trembling. 'In eight hundred years of European heraldry, no one has dared. And now Frank Bidwell of 14 Oakwood Lane thinks he can just — ' She paused to collect herself. 'It's unconscionable.' Bidwell, who describes himself as 'a guy who just likes butterflies,' said he was unaware his garden flag was subject to medieval European design principles. 'It's a flag I bought at Home Depot,' he said. 'It has a butterfly on it. My wife thought it was pretty.' The HOA has issued Bidwell a formal citation and a 72-hour deadline to remove the offending banner or replace it with one that complies with the rule of tincture. They have helpfully provided a laminated chart of acceptable colour combinations. Bidwell's wife, Karen, has responded by purchasing six additional colour-on-colour flags, including one featuring a green frog on a black background that Escutcheon described as 'a declaration of war.' The dispute is expected to reach the HOA's arbitration board next month, where Escutcheon plans to present her case using a 94-slide PowerPoint titled 'The Moral Foundation of Tincture.'