The Jeweler's Journal

Use correct shop terminology and grading standards. Satire targets tool hoarding and unrealistic client expectations about precious metals.

Luxury Avocado Toast Index Replaces GDP as Nation's Truest Economic Indicator

In a surprising turn, the Federal Reserve is reportedly now using the price of luxury avocado toast as its primary economic indicator, believing it reflects the spending habits of the nation’s most economically significant generations.

Local Man Invests Entire Life Savings in Beanie Babies, Cites 'Robust Furry Asset Class'

A retired Ohio man has bet his entire fortune – including an alpaca farm and thimble collection – on a Beanie Baby comeback, much to the dismay of financial experts.

The Curious Case of the Vanishing Vending Machine: A Treatise on Late-Stage Capitalism and My Unfulfilled Craving for a Peanut Butter Cup

The disappearance of a beloved vending machine sparks an existential crisis for one office worker, who sees it as a symptom of a larger, more sinister trend: the systematic removal of joy in the name of corporate wellness.

Luxury Avocado Toast Futures Plummet: Millennial Economic Doom Foretold (Again)

A surprisingly large avocado harvest, shifting Gen Z tastes, and financial realities are causing a 'soft deflation' in the avocado toast market, sparking concern – and a little existential dread – among millennials.