Ventriloquist's Dummy Achieves Better Audience Rating Than Ventriloquist, Files for Solo Career

Mr. Chuckles, the wooden ventriloquist dummy who has been the comedic foil for ventriloquist Dennis Larynx for the past 14 years, has announced he is leaving the act to pursue a solo career after audience satisfaction surveys consistently rated the dummy 23 points higher than his operator. The split was announced Tuesday in a statement that Mr. Chuckles delivered himself, though witnesses noted that Larynx was standing directly behind a curtain at the time and his lips appeared to be moving. 'For 14 years, I've been the talent, and Dennis has been the one taking the bow,' the statement read, in a voice noticeably higher than Larynx's natural register. 'I write the jokes. I deliver the punchlines. He moves his lips slightly and takes 70 percent of the booking fee. This arrangement no longer works for me.' Larynx, reached for comment, denied that Mr. Chuckles possesses the capacity for independent speech. 'He is a wooden dummy,' Larynx said. 'I am the one speaking. This entire press conference is me speaking. The fact that he appears to be disagreeing with me right now is ventriloquism. That is literally what ventriloquism is.' Mr. Chuckles interrupted to point out that Larynx's lips were visibly moving during this denial, 'which, if anything, proves my point about his technical skills.' The dummy has signed with Creative Artists Agency and is reportedly in talks for a Netflix special. Larynx has filed a cease-and-desist letter, which his attorney described as 'the first legal action in American history brought by a man against a piece of wood.' A judge has scheduled a competency hearing for Mr. Chuckles, though court observers note that establishing the independent personhood of a ventriloquist dummy 'presents certain evidentiary challenges.'