Caboose Appreciation Society Demands Caboose Comeback, Cites 'Emotional Void' at End of Freight Trains

The North American Caboose Appreciation Society, a 12,000-member organization, has formally petitioned the Surface Transportation Board to mandate the return of cabooses to all Class I freight trains, arguing that the end-of-train device (ETD) that replaced them is 'a soulless blinking box that has robbed American railroading of its dignity.' The petition, signed by all 12,000 members and submitted in a hand-delivered package designed to look like a red caboose, argues that the elimination of the caboose in the 1980s created 'an emotional and aesthetic void at the rear of every freight train that has never been adequately addressed.' 'A freight train without a caboose is a sentence without a period,' said society president Gertrude Cupola, reading from the petition at a press conference held aboard a restored 1947 Illinois Central caboose. 'It just... stops. There's no conclusion. No farewell. Just a blinking red light on a metal box, fading into the distance like a relationship that ended over text message.' The caboose, once a mandatory fixture on American freight trains, served as a rolling office and living quarters for the train's rear-end crew. It was phased out beginning in the 1980s as electronic monitoring devices made the rear-end crew unnecessary. 'The ETD transmits brake-pipe pressure and provides a flashing rear marker,' said Association of American Railroads spokesperson Frank Efficiency. 'It does everything the caboose did, minus the romance, at one percent of the cost. This is called progress.' 'Progress,' Cupola responded, 'is a word people use when they've destroyed something beautiful and need to justify it.' The Surface Transportation Board has accepted the petition for review. A public comment period is open through March. The society is encouraging members to submit comments 'written, if possible, while sitting in a caboose.'