Conductor Punches 500,000th Ticket, Hand Now Permanently Shaped Like a Hole Punch

Long Island Rail Road conductor Bernard Clickety celebrated a career milestone Monday when he punched his 500,000th ticket — a moment of professional pride tempered by the revelation that his right hand has permanently molded itself into the shape of a ticket punch. 'I noticed it around ticket 300,000,' Clickety said, holding up a hand that curves inward at the fingers in a shape orthopedists have formally classified as 'conductors' grip' — a repetitive-motion adaptation that allows the hand to close around a Conductors' Special hole punch with zero effort but renders it largely useless for other tasks. 'I can't shake hands anymore,' Clickety said. 'I can't hold a fork normally. But I can punch a ticket from any angle, at any speed, in any lighting condition, while walking through a moving train. Life is about trade-offs.' The Conductors' Special, a handheld ticket punch that has been standard equipment on American railroads since the 1860s, creates a distinctive pattern of holes that identifies the conductor. Each conductor's punch pattern is unique — Clickety's is a small crescent moon. Over 40 years, Clickety estimates he has created approximately 500,000 tiny crescent moons in cardboard ticket stock. Laid end to end, the punched-out paper circles would stretch approximately 1.2 miles. 'Nobody appreciates the ticket punch anymore,' Clickety said, demonstrating his technique on a napkin. 'Everyone's got their phones and their apps and their QR codes. But there's something satisfying about the click. That's a real transaction. That's a human being confirming that you have paid for your seat. An app can't give you that.' Clickety plans to retire next year. His punch will be donated to the Railroad Museum of Long Island. His hand, he says, 'is coming with me, unfortunately.'