Train Whistle Collector Insists Each One Has a 'Unique Personality,' Wife Disagrees

Locomotive whistle collector Vernon Chime has assembled a collection of over 200 steam and air whistles spanning 130 years of railroad history, each of which he describes as having 'a unique voice and personality,' a characterization his wife Margaret disputes with what she calls 'the exhausted certainty of someone who has heard all 200.' 'This one is a Crosby three-chime from 1924,' Vernon said, holding up a tarnished brass whistle the size of a fire hydrant. 'She has a warm, melancholic tone. Very feminine. The upper partial is slightly flat, which gives her character. Now compare her to this Hancock single-bell from 1898 — he's got a deep, authoritative bark. Very masculine. Very Pennsylvania Railroad.' 'They all go woo,' Margaret said from the kitchen. 'Loud woo. That's all they do.' The collection, which occupies an entire outbuilding on the couple's rural property, includes whistles from every major American railroad of the steam era, three European whistles, and what Vernon describes as 'the crown jewel' — an original Nathan five-chime air horn from a Union Pacific FEF-3 steam locomotive. 'The Nathan is the Stradivarius of railroad horns,' Vernon said. 'Five bells, each tuned to a specific frequency. Together they produce the most recognizable chord in American railroading. I paid $8,000 for it. My wife has not forgiven me.' 'Eight thousand dollars for a noise,' Margaret confirmed. 'We could have gone to Hawaii. Instead, we have the world's most expensive noise in a shed.' Vernon tests each whistle monthly using a compressed air system he installed in the outbuilding. The testing sessions, which he conducts on Saturday mornings at 7 AM, have generated two noise complaints from neighbors who live half a mile away. 'He tested the Nathan at full pressure last month,' said neighbor Ruth Fence. 'My dog hasn't been the same since. She hides under the bed every Saturday morning. She has developed Saturday anxiety.' Vernon has offered to limit testing to weekday afternoons but maintains that 'a whistle that isn't blown is just a sculpture. These instruments were made to be heard. They deserve to sing.'