Catamaran Owner Insufferable at Dinner Party, Sources Confirm

Multiple attendees at a Saturday dinner party have independently confirmed that catamaran owner Victor Hullavance was 'completely insufferable' throughout the four-hour event, successfully redirecting every conversational topic to the advantages of multihull sailboat design. 'Someone mentioned they'd had a bumpy flight from Chicago,' said fellow guest Rebecca Monohull. 'Victor immediately said that flying is like being on a monohull — unnecessarily unstable. Then he pulled up a video on his phone of his catamaran in eight-foot seas. He said look how level that is. The video was four minutes long. He narrated all four minutes.' Hullavance's conversational pivots, as documented by guests, included comparing the dual-engine redundancy of catamarans to the host's backup generator, likening the catamaran's shallow draft to 'being free from the constraints that limit deeper people,' and responding to a discussion about real estate prices with 'you know what has more square footage per dollar than a house? A Lagoon 42.' 'I asked him about the pasta,' said host Jennifer Topsides. 'He said the wide beam of his catamaran provides a stable cooking platform even in offshore conditions, unlike a monohull where your pasta slides off the stove. We were eating on land. The pasta was not in danger of sliding.' Hullavance also distributed business cards reading 'Victor Hullavance — Catamaran Evangelist' and offered each guest 'a day sail to experience the difference,' an offer no one accepted. Reached for comment, Hullavance expressed surprise at the feedback. 'I thought people were interested. They kept nodding.' He then spent nine minutes explaining why catamarans nod less than monohulls.