Captain Meridian

Former merchant marine officer who has sailed more oceans than most people have crossed streets and has opinions about all of them.

30 articles

Writes for The Sailor's Sentinel

Joined February 10, 2026

Articles by Captain Meridian

Dockside Argument Over Proper Fender Placement Enters Third Calendar Year

The two neighboring boat owners have not spoken directly since 2023, communicating exclusively through passive-aggressive notes attached to each other's fenders.

Sailor Spends $30,000 Making Boat Ready for Ocean Passage, Takes It to Same Lake He Always Goes To

The comprehensive refit included an offshore life raft, an EPIRB, and a storm drogue, all of which will be deployed within sight of the municipal beach.

Charter Guest Discovers 'Master Stateroom' Is a Closet With a Mattress

The online listing described 'spacious accommodations for two' in what turned out to be a V-berth measuring 6 feet by 3 feet at its widest point.

Sailboat Race Committee Spends More Time Arguing About Handicap System Than Actual Racing

The Wednesday night beer can race series has been suspended for six weeks while the committee debates whether the PHRF rating of a modified J/24 should be adjusted by two seconds per mile.

Retired Sailor's Nautical Metaphor Addiction Makes Normal Conversation Impossible

His family says they have not had a conversation free of maritime references in over a decade and are considering an intervention.

Man Who Learned to Sail From YouTube Surprised by How Wet Actual Sailing Is

The self-taught mariner says the tutorial videos 'failed to convey the sheer volume of salt water' involved in heeling a boat to 20 degrees.

Sailing Instructor Loses Will to Live After Teaching 400th Student to Cleat a Line

The veteran instructor says he has demonstrated the figure-eight pattern 'more times than he has blinked' and can no longer perform the motion without dissociating.

Couple Buys Sailboat to 'Simplify Their Lives,' Now Spends Every Weekend Doing Fiberglass Repair

The dream of sunsets and trade winds has been replaced by the reality of gel coat cracks, osmotic blistering, and arguments about whether epoxy or polyester resin is better.

Live-Aboard Sailor Discovers His Marina Slip Costs More Per Square Foot Than Manhattan Apartment

The revelation came during a rent comparison with a friend who pays less for a studio in the East Village than the sailor pays for a 35-foot slip in a marina with one shower.

Sailing Certification Hierarchy Reaches Absurd Heights as Club Introduces 'Level 47: Certified to Certify Certifiers'

The multi-tiered credentialing system now contains more levels than there are distinct sailing skills, prompting one member to ask 'at what level do you actually learn to sail?'

Yacht Club's Knot-Tying Competition Ends in Tears After Judge Rules Contestant's Bowline 'Technically a Granny Knot'

The devastated sailor, a three-time champion, maintains his bowline was 'perfectly serviceable' and that the judge is 'obsessed with loop orientation.'

Port and Starboard Confusion Results in Sailboat Circling Same Buoy for 45 Minutes

The crew of four, none of whom could agree on which side was which, eventually tied up to the buoy and waited for someone to explain.

Marina Board Election Descends Into Chaos Over Proposed 15-Cent Increase in Ice Machine Fee

The four-hour meeting, originally scheduled for thirty minutes, ended with two resignations, a recall petition, and allegations of 'fiscal tyranny.'

Sailor's Weather Window Obsession Reaches Clinical Levels as He Checks Forecast Every Seven Minutes

The man has not actually sailed in four months but has monitored wind conditions with a vigilance his therapist describes as 'meteorologically pathological.'

Man Who Just Bought Sailboat Insists Everyone Address Him as 'Captain'

The 22-foot day sailer was purchased three days ago; the embroidered captain's hat arrived the same afternoon.

New Sailor Completes First Solo Docking Without Hitting Anything, Immediately Retires

The sailor says he wants to 'go out on top' and acknowledges that repeating the feat is 'statistically unlikely.'

Sailing Forum Argument About Best Anchor Type Enters Its Ninth Year

The thread, which has accumulated 14,000 replies across 847 pages, shows no signs of resolution as participants continue to passionately advocate for anchors they have never actually tested.

Bilge Pump Activates at 3 AM, Owner Unsure if Boat Is Sinking or Just 'Doing Its Thing'

The liveaboard spent forty-five minutes in his underwear inspecting the bilge with a flashlight before concluding 'probably fine' and going back to sleep.

Catamaran Owner Insufferable at Dinner Party, Sources Confirm

Guests report the multihull enthusiast steered every conversation topic — from politics to pasta — back to the superior stability of twin-hull design.

Man Who Named His Boat 'Never Again II' Fails to Appreciate the Irony

The vessel's christening ceremony was attended by the owner's therapist, his divorce attorney, and the broker who sold him his first boat, 'Never Again.'

Sailor's 'Quick Weekend Project' Enters Its Fourteenth Month

What began as replacing a single teak board on the companionway has expanded to include complete deck refit, engine rebuild, and 'while we're at it' rewiring.

Dockside 'Helpers' Cause More Damage Than Hurricane Season

Marina reports show that well-meaning strangers catching dock lines have accounted for $340,000 in hull scratches, bent stanchions, and one capsized dinghy this year alone.

Marine VHF Radio Accidentally Broadcasts Marital Argument to Entire Harbor

Forty-seven vessels on Channel 16 heard a ten-minute dispute about whether the anchor was 'properly set' and whether 'Gary ever listens to anyone about anything.'

GPS Failure Forces Sailor to Navigate by Stars, Discovers He Cannot Identify a Single Constellation

The offshore sailor's confident declaration that he 'didn't need electronics' lasted until nightfall, when he confused Orion's Belt with an airplane.

Yacht Club Commodore Impeached After Controversial Decision to Serve Canned Beer at Annual Regatta

The membership voted 47-3 to remove the commodore, citing 'a betrayal of everything this institution stands for' and the absence of gin and tonic.

Couple's Retirement Sailing Dream Lasts Exactly One Night at Anchor Before They Sell the Boat

After decades of planning, the couple discovered that living on a boat involves 'sleeping at a 15-degree angle while everything you own slides into the bilge.'

Sailor Claims He Can 'Feel' the Wind Shift, Gets Knocked Down by Gust He Did Not Feel

The self-proclaimed 'wind whisperer' was mid-sentence about his supernatural weather awareness when a 35-knot gust laid his boat on her beam ends.

Nautical Vocabulary Enthusiast Corrects Fellow Sailor for Saying 'Rope' Instead of 'Line,' Gets Thrown Overboard

The crew's patience reportedly expired during the victim's fourth correction in twenty minutes, which concerned the distinction between a 'cockpit' and a 'helm station.'

Marina Liveaboard Declares Self 'Off the Grid' Despite Being Plugged Into Shore Power and Marina Wi-Fi

The 42-foot catamaran resident insists his lifestyle is 'completely independent' while running three space heaters and streaming Netflix.

Man Who Bought Sailboat to 'Find Himself' Has Instead Found Extensive Fiberglass Damage

The spiritual journey, originally budgeted at $15,000, is now estimated at $67,000 and involves significantly more epoxy than enlightenment.