Man Who Just Bought Sailboat Insists Everyone Address Him as 'Captain'

Suburban accountant Roger Keel has informed his family, friends, and colleagues that he is now to be addressed exclusively as 'Captain' following his purchase of a 22-foot day sailing sloop from a marina in Annapolis, Maryland, which he has owned for seventy-two hours and sailed once, in light winds, without leaving the harbor. 'When you own a vessel, you are its captain,' Keel explained, adjusting an embroidered captain's hat he ordered from Amazon within minutes of completing the boat purchase. 'That's maritime law. I didn't make the rules.' Keel's wife, Denise, has refused to comply. 'He's an accountant,' she said. 'He does tax returns. He has been on water four times in his life, including two of those duck boat tours.' The boat, a 1996 Catalina 22 named Sea Breeze that Keel renamed The Reckoning, has been motored from its slip to the fuel dock and back. Keel described this maiden voyage as 'getting to know her rhythms.' His colleagues at the accounting firm of Mellor, Finch & Associates have been presented with a formal email requesting they update their address books to reflect his new title. The email's signature line reads 'Captain Roger Keel, Master of The Reckoning, CPA.' 'He put it on his business cards,' confirmed office manager Sandra Pier. 'We had a meeting with a client last Tuesday and he introduced himself as Captain Keel. The client thought he was joking. He was not joking.' Keel has also begun using nautical terminology in daily conversation, referring to his office as 'the bridge,' the break room as 'the galley,' and his commute home as 'making port.' He recently asked his wife to 'come about' in a parking lot. 'He hasn't figured out how to raise the mainsail yet,' Denise noted. 'But sure. Captain.'