Place-Name Scholar's Marriage Proposal Rejected After He Explains Etymology of 'Love' for 20 Minutes

Toponymist and historical linguist Dr. Percival Gazetteer's marriage proposal was rejected Saturday evening after he preceded the question with a twenty-minute etymological lecture on the word 'love,' tracing it from Proto-Indo-European through Proto-Germanic to Old English and ultimately to its modern form, which his girlfriend described as 'the least romantic thing that has ever happened to me.' 'I wanted to give the moment context,' Dr. Gazetteer said, still holding the ring box. 'Love is a word with 5,000 years of linguistic history. You can't just deploy it without acknowledging where it comes from. The Proto-Indo-European root is leubh, meaning to care or desire. The Proto-Germanic form is lubo. The Old English is lufu. Each stage represents a semantic shift that—' 'He was still going when I said no,' confirmed his girlfriend, Helena, who had been expecting a proposal but not a seminar. 'I knew something was happening because he made reservations at a nice restaurant, which he never does. Then he stood up and said before I ask you something, let me provide some linguistic background. That's when my heart sank.' Witnesses at the restaurant confirmed that Dr. Gazetteer spoke without interruption for approximately twenty minutes, covering the etymology of love, the toponymic significance of place names containing 'love' (Lowell, Massachusetts; Lovelock, Nevada; Loveland, Colorado), and a brief digression on the difference between the words 'love' and 'like' in Germanic versus Romance languages. 'He got to the proposal at minute twenty-one,' Helena said. 'By then I had finished my dessert, checked my phone twice, and emotionally disengaged. He said will you marry me and I said I think we need to talk about this. He asked if I wanted him to provide the etymology of marriage. I said absolutely not.' Dr. Gazetteer has since revised his approach. 'I'm going to try again,' he said. 'This time, no etymology. Just the question. Four words. Will. You. Marry. Me. Although will is a fascinating word with roots in the Proto-Germanic weljan, meaning to wish or—' Helena has asked for 'some space, preferably non-etymological.'