The Toponymist's Times

Over-explain place-name etymology in current events. Nerdy joy and linguistic precision.

Small Town Changes Name to Attract Tourism, Receives Zero Additional Tourists

The former 'Mudflat' rebranded as 'Crystal Springs' and invested $40,000 in new signage, only to discover that the name change did not also change the town's complete lack of attractions.

Map Collector Discovers His Most Prized Antique Map Was Printed Last Year

The '1742 Chart of the East Indies' purchased for $12,000 at auction was produced by a print shop in New Jersey that specializes in 'heritage reproduction cartography.'

Neighborhood Named After Developer's Favorite Words Now Features 'Serenity Court,' 'Tranquility Lane,' and 'Harmony Drive' Near Active Freeway

The subdivision's calming street names are audible only when the traffic on the adjacent I-95 drops below 60 decibels, which occurs between 2 AM and 4 AM.

Residents of Boring, Oregon, and Dull, Scotland, Mark 15th Anniversary of Sister City Partnership

The 'Pair of Boring and Dull' alliance has expanded to include Bland, Australia, creating what the three communities call 'the League of Extraordinary Place Names.'

Place-Name Scholar's Marriage Proposal Rejected After He Explains Etymology of 'Love' for 20 Minutes

Instead of simply proposing, the toponymist delivered an unsolicited lecture on how the word 'love' derives from the Proto-Germanic 'lubo,' which his girlfriend found 'profoundly unromantic.'

Tourist Visits Every Place Named 'Paris' in America, Reports That None of Them Are Like Paris

The 27-city tour through Paris, Texas; Paris, Tennessee; Paris, Kentucky; and 24 other American Parises produced 'zero croissants, zero river views, and one replica Eiffel Tower wearing a cowboy hat.'

Local Man Cannot Accept That His Street Has Been Renamed, Continues Using Old Name on All Correspondence

The USPS has been delivering to both '47 Pleasant Street' and '47 Innovation Parkway' for three years because 'it's easier than arguing with him.'

Cartographer's Intentional Map Error Discovered 40 Years Later, Credited as Real Town

The 'trap street' — a fictitious road inserted to catch copyright violators — was adopted by a housing developer who built an actual subdivision on it.

City Renames Street to Honor Local Hero, Residents Immediately Forget New Name

Elm Street was renamed 'Dr. Harriet Washington Corridor' eight months ago; every single resident continues to call it Elm Street, including Dr. Washington's own family.

Family Argument Over Pronunciation of 'Appalachian' Has Entered Its Third Generation

The dispute between 'app-uh-LATCH-un' and 'app-uh-LAY-shun' has been passed from grandparents to parents to children like a genetic trait nobody asked for.

AI Map Generator Names Entire Region 'Error 404: Place Not Found'

The automated cartography tool, tasked with labeling unnamed features, has populated a 200-square-mile area of Montana with server error messages that are now appearing on hiking apps.

Geographical Naming Committee Takes 11 Years to Name a Pond, Pond Dries Up During Deliberations

The committee's final report recommends the name 'Patience Pond,' which was accepted unanimously but can no longer be applied because the feature no longer exists.

Man Who Pronounces 'Versailles' Correctly Gets Punched at Kentucky Gas Station

The tourist's French pronunciation of the Kentucky town's name was interpreted as 'an act of aggression' by locals who have been saying 'ver-SALES' since 1792.

Two Towns Named Springfield File Competing Claims to Be the 'Real' Springfield

There are 34 Springfields in the United States, and two of them have now hired lawyers to settle the question of which one the other 32 are named after.

Town Discovers It Has Been Misspelling Its Own Name for 140 Years

The clerk who registered the township in 1886 wrote 'Pittsville' instead of 'Pitstville,' and nobody noticed until a genealogist checked the original charter last Tuesday.

Apostrophe in Place Name Has Caused Three International Incidents and One Font Crisis

The disputed punctuation mark in the Cote d'Ivoire has triggered diplomatic protests, a Unicode working group, and the resignation of a typeface designer.

Cartographer Finds New Island, Immediately Regrets Naming Rights Going to Crowdfunding Donors

The previously uncharted Pacific atoll is now officially registered as 'Boaty McIslandface' after the discovery expedition's Kickstarter backers exercised their naming reward tier.

Iceland and Greenland Acknowledge Their Names Have Been Misleading People for 1,100 Years

A joint communique describes the naming situation as 'the longest-running geographic prank in human history' and confirms neither country intends to fix it.

Street Named After Developer's Wife Renamed After Divorce, Residents Confused

Sandra Lane is now Treachery Boulevard, and the homeowners association says the change has 'complicated property values somewhat.'

Explorers Who Named Everything 'New' Something Accused of Staggering Lack of Imagination

A posthumous review of colonial naming practices concludes that European explorers were 'cartographically bankrupt' and 'could not have been less creative if they'd tried.'

Comma in Official Town Name Has Caused 200 Years of Database Errors

The residents of Hamilton, Township (yes, with the comma) say they've been unable to receive mail, file taxes, or exist in any computer system since 1987.

Google Maps Labels New Housing Development 'Soulless Cul-de-Sac' Due to Metadata Error

The developer is demanding a correction; residents say the label is 'harsh but not entirely inaccurate.'

Entire Country of Georgia Tired of Explaining It Is Not the U.S. State

The nation's tourism board has budgeted $12 million for a campaign titled 'Georgia: The Country. Not Atlanta. Not Savannah. The Actual Country.'

Man Who Named His Wi-Fi Network 'FBI Surveillance Van' Now Consulting for U.S. Board on Geographic Names

The Board praised his 'instinctive understanding of how nomenclature shapes perception' and offered him a seat on the domestic names committee.

Australia's 'Lake Disappointment' and Arizona's 'Disappointment' Form Sister City Agreement

The transpacific partnership will promote cultural exchange, shared branding, and 'mutual acknowledgment that things did not pan out as hoped.'

GPS Refuses to Pronounce 'Worcestershire,' Routes Driver Through Three Counties to Avoid It

The navigation system's 47-mile detour around the English county has been traced to a firmware update that classified the toponym as 'unresolvable.'

Board on Geographic Names Rejects 'Mount Doom' Application for Eighth Consecutive Year

The persistent applicant, a geologist from Oregon, argues that the volcanic peak 'looks exactly like it' and that Tolkien's estate 'should be flattered.'

Town Named 'Disappointment' Votes Against Renaming, Citing Accuracy

Residents of Disappointment, Arizona, rejected the proposed change to 'Pleasant Valley' after a town hall meeting that was itself described as 'deeply confirming.'

Cartographer Discovers New Zealand Has Been Slightly to the Left This Entire Time

The 47-kilometer discrepancy, caused by a 1893 surveying error, means every map printed in the last 130 years has been 'technically wrong but close enough.'

Unnamed Creek in Montana Finally Snaps, Demands to Be Called Something

The waterway, listed on 14 separate USGS maps as 'Unnamed Creek,' has reportedly retained legal counsel to file a formal toponymic grievance.