Unnamed Creek in Montana Finally Snaps, Demands to Be Called Something

A small but persistent creek in rural Flathead County, Montana, has become the first geographical feature in recorded history to formally petition the U.S. Board on Geographic Names for a proper designation, ending what its legal team describes as 'decades of cartographic neglect.' The creek, currently designated as 'Unnamed Creek' on fourteen separate United States Geological Survey maps, allegedly communicated its frustration through a series of increasingly agitated gurgling sounds that a local hydroacoustician translated as 'profoundly dissatisfied.' 'Every puddle in Vermont has a name,' read the petition, filed by environmental attorney Sandra Meander on the creek's behalf. 'There are named features in this country that are literally just damp spots on a rock. My client is a fully flowing, year-round watercourse and has been treated with unconscionable toponymic indifference.' The Board on Geographic Names confirmed receipt of the petition but noted that it represents 'an unprecedented procedural situation,' as their naming protocols do not currently accommodate requests from the features themselves. 'Traditionally, a human being proposes the name,' said board chair Dr. Clifton Gazetteer. 'We have no mechanism for self-nomination by a body of water. It raises fascinating jurisdictional questions.' The creek has reportedly proposed the name 'Reginald,' which cartographers have described as 'unusual for a hydrological feature but technically compliant with naming guidelines.' Neighboring Unnamed Ridge has declined to comment but is said to be watching the case closely.