Two Towns Named Springfield File Competing Claims to Be the 'Real' Springfield

Springfield, Illinois, and Springfield, Massachusetts, have retained competing legal teams to settle a dispute over which municipality is the 'original' Springfield and therefore entitled to use the name without qualification, a conflict that has bewildered the 32 other American Springfields, which were not aware there was a competition. 'We were founded in 1636,' said Springfield, Massachusetts mayor Gerald Origin. 'We are the first Springfield in America. Every other Springfield is a copy. Illinois didn't even exist in 1636. They're a sequel.' 'We're the state capital,' countered Springfield, Illinois city manager Patricia Precedent. 'Abraham Lincoln lived here. The Simpsons are allegedly set here. Nobody thinks of Massachusetts when they hear Springfield. We're the Springfield people mean.' The dispute was triggered when both cities simultaneously applied to trademark the name 'Springfield' for municipal branding purposes, only to discover that neither had previously secured trademark protection for a name shared by 34 municipalities, 45 townships, and uncounted geographical features across the country. 'You can't trademark Springfield,' said intellectual property attorney Dr. Sandra Claim. 'It's the most common place name in America. Trying to trademark it is like trying to trademark the color blue. You can try, but you'll be laughed out of court, which is exactly what happened.' The 32 other Springfields have largely ignored the dispute. Springfield, Missouri — the third-largest Springfield — issued a statement reading: 'We are aware of the situation. We don't care. We're busy.' Springfield, Oregon, which has a separate claim to fame as the confirmed inspiration for the Simpsons' hometown, offered to mediate. Both litigating Springfields declined, with Illinois noting that 'the Simpsons connection is disputed' and Massachusetts noting that 'Oregon wasn't even a state when we were founded.' The U.S. Board on Geographic Names has declined to arbitrate, noting that 'all 34 Springfields are equally Springfield.'