Small Town Changes Name to Attract Tourism, Receives Zero Additional Tourists

The town formerly known as Mudflat, Kansas (pop. 412), has spent $40,000 rebranding itself as Crystal Springs in an attempt to attract tourism, an initiative that has so far attracted exactly zero additional tourists. 'The consultants said the name was the problem,' said mayor Larry Deed. 'They said Mudflat conveys negativity. They said Crystal Springs conveys natural beauty and refreshment. So we changed it. We put up new signs. We printed brochures. We launched a website. Nobody came.' The rebranding, conducted by a marketing firm that specializes in municipal identity, included a new town logo (a stylized water droplet), a new slogan ('Crystal Springs: Where Clarity Meets Community'), and the aforementioned signage, which replaced every instance of 'Mudflat' on the town's three road signs and one water tower. 'The water tower was the most expensive part,' Deed said. 'We had to sandblast Mudflat off and repaint Crystal Springs in the same font. The painter charged extra because he had to paint on a curved surface in November.' The town does not contain a spring of any kind, crystal or otherwise. The nearest body of water is a drainage ditch that runs along Highway 54. When asked about this discrepancy, Deed noted that 'the name is aspirational, not descriptive.' Tourism consultant Helena Draw, who was not involved in the rebranding, offered a post-mortem analysis. 'Changing a town's name is like changing a restaurant's menu without changing the kitchen,' she said. 'You can call it Crystal Springs, but if the town still has one gas station, no hotel, and no reason to visit, the name doesn't matter. People don't visit names. They visit things.' Deed has proposed the construction of an actual spring. The estimated cost is $250,000, which exceeds the town's annual budget by approximately $200,000. 'Maybe we should have stayed Mudflat,' he conceded. 'At least the name was honest.'