Alien Civilization Communicates Exclusively Through Interpretive Dance, Diplomats Scramble

First contact with the civilization orbiting Rigel has hit an unexpected impasse after it became clear that the Rigelians communicate exclusively through full-body kinesthetic expression — a mode of discourse that Earth's diplomatic establishment is comprehensively unequipped to handle. The Rigelian delegation, which arrived at the ISS aboard a crystalline vessel on Tuesday, consists of seven beings approximately three meters tall with 22 articulated limbs each. Upon encountering the human greeting party, they performed a synchronized 47-minute choreographic sequence that xenolinguists have determined was 'a comprehensive introduction including names, credentials, cultural values, and a detailed summary of their civilization's history.' 'They said more in 47 minutes of movement than we could say in 47 hours of speech,' said Dr. Kenji Watanabe, head of the Xenolinguistic Rapid Response Unit. 'The problem is that our diplomats can barely do the Macarena.' The UN has emergency-recruited a team of contemporary dancers, ballet principals, and interpretive movement specialists to serve as linguistic intermediaries. Results have been mixed. 'I performed what I believed was a warm greeting through modern expressive dance,' said prima ballerina Elena Sorokina, who was drafted into diplomatic service. 'Based on their response — a rapid contraction of all 22 limbs followed by what I can only describe as collective shuddering — I believe I accidentally told them something about their mothers.' The Rigelians have been patient, repeating their introductory sequence three times with increasingly simplified movements. After the third repetition, one Rigelian performed a brief solo that Dr. Watanabe's team has translated as 'we will wait while you learn to speak.' A crash course in Rigelian kinesic grammar has been organized. The first lesson is scheduled for Monday. Stretching is mandatory.