Alien Language Has 847 Words for 'Silence' and Zero for 'Small Talk'

A comprehensive lexical analysis of the alien language transmitted from Kepler-186f has revealed a vocabulary of staggering sophistication when it comes to silence — and a complete, conspicuous absence of any concept resembling small talk. Dr. Yuri Petrov of the Moscow Institute of Xenolinguistics published the findings in the Journal of Extraterrestrial Communication, noting that the language contains 847 distinct words for various forms, qualities, and textures of silence. 'They distinguish between the silence of a room just vacated, the silence of deep space, the silence that follows a profound statement, and the silence of someone who has nothing to say and is comfortable with that,' Dr. Petrov explained. 'There are 23 words alone for the silence between heartbeats, differentiated by emotional context.' Conversely, the language contains no words, phrases, or grammatical structures that correspond to phatic communication — the category that includes greetings like 'how are you,' observations about weather, and what English speakers call 'small talk.' 'The closest equivalent we've found is a word that translates roughly as mouth-noise-for-no-reason, and it appears exclusively in what we believe are their legal codes,' said Dr. Petrov. 'Specifically, in the section on punishable offenses.' The discovery has prompted intense debate among contact linguists about how to approach communication with a civilization that appears to view unnecessary speech as a crime. 'We can't exactly open diplomatic channels with How about this weather?' said UN xenolinguistic advisor Dr. Amara Osei. 'They'd arrest us.' A draft first-contact message has been prepared that consists entirely of a carefully chosen silence lasting exactly 4.7 seconds. Linguists describe it as 'eloquent.'