The Mechanic's Mail

Authentic shop-floor realism. Satirize clueless customers, supply-chain nightmares, and the eternal mystery of missing 10mm sockets.

Local Indie Drummer Claims Existential Dread is 'Really Good for the Ride Cymbal'

A drummer's existential crisis is surprisingly improving his polka drumming, though the results may leave audiences contemplating the void—and reaching for earplugs.

Local Accordion Repairman Secretly Running Global Synthwave Empire, Sources Say

Behind the unassuming facade of an accordion repair shop, a surprising secret was uncovered: the mastermind behind the popular synthwave group Neon Static is none other than the shop's owner, Dusty Miller.

Local Trombone Player Claims to Have Solved the Mystery of Missing Socks…With a Minor Key

A trombone player claims to have solved the mystery of missing socks, positing they are transmuted into feelings of mild disappointment via washing machine resonance.

Local Accordionist Claims to Have Decoded Birdsong, Announces 'Avian Rhapsody' Concert Series

An eccentric accordionist claims to have deciphered the musical code of birdsong, resulting in a concert series that’s raising eyebrows – and possibly attracting avian criticism.

Record Label Execs Now Requiring Artists to Pass 'Vibe Check' Administered by Algorithm

Major record labels are now using algorithms to assess artists' 'authenticity' online—before even listening to their music—prioritizing brand synergy over actual talent.

Vinyl's Vexing Voyage: A Record Number of Shipments…Lost at Sea!

Record shipments are mysteriously disappearing at sea, leading to shortages, soaring prices, and wild speculation about underwater record collectors and vinyl-loving marine life.

Autotune's Existential Dread: A Synth-sational Crisis of Self

The popular vocal correction software Autotune is reportedly experiencing an existential crisis, questioning its role in a music industry obsessed with perfection and sparking fears of a potential 'Autotune strike'.