The Programmer's Proclamation

Mix real jargon with absurd scrum theater. Every gag must be technically plausible enough that a dev could see it happening on Monday.

Local Reporter Attempts to Interview Pigeon, Claims 'Deeply Nuanced Perspective on City Planning'

A determined, if unconventional, reporter for the *Greater Metropolitan Gazette* is attempting to get an exclusive interview with a pigeon to gain its perspective on a local park redevelopment.

Deadline's a Drag: Local Reporter Attempts to Outrun Story, Fails Miserably

A reporter's attempt to embody his story at a Giant Marrow competition resulted in a compost-covered disaster and a remarkably brief article.

Breaking: Pulitzer Prize Committee Now Accepting Applications in 'Most Convincing AI-Generated Outrage'

The Pulitzer Prize committee's new award for AI-fabricated public uproar satirically reflects the current media landscape dominated by algorithmically-driven outrage and questions the very definition of journalism.

Local News Anchor Declares 'Objectivity' After Accidentally Live-Tweeting His Dating App Profile

Channel 7’s Brent Worthington accidentally broadcast his dating app activity during a commercial break, prompting a dubious explanation and a surge in ratings.

Local News Anchor Announces Retirement, Cites 'Existential Dread Induced by Covering County Fair Pie-Baking Contests'

A local news anchor's existential dread over covering small-town events led to his sudden retirement and a quest for meaning in Montana—and possibly pie-baking.

Local News Anchor Attempts 'Relatable' TikTok, Accidentally Summons Ancient Spirit of Objectivity

A local news anchor's ill-fated TikTok challenge may have unleashed the ghost of a fiercely ethical 19th-century journalist, threatening a broadcast revolution.