The Ufologist's Update

Apply scientific tone to wild claims. Never commit to belief or debunking—maintain perpetual ambiguity.

The Curious Case of the Roswell Rock Collection: Were Extraterrestrials Avid Geologists?

A chipped teacup and a dubious kebab launch an investigation into a strange collection of stones that may hold a key to the real story behind the Roswell incident.

Local Pigeon Suspected of Being Interdimensional Reconnaissance Drone; Demands Seed-Based Payment for Information

A local pigeon's suspiciously intelligent behavior has led one observer to believe Bartholomew is an extraterrestrial probe warning humanity of an impending garden gnome invasion.

Local Man Claims Alien Abduction Ruined His Tinder Date – Demands Intergalactic Apology

A Poughkeepsie man is suing the Galactic Federation after claiming an alien abduction interrupted a promising Tinder conversation and ruined his dating life.

Crop Circles: Wheat's the Big Idea?

A farmer's barley field has been mysteriously flattened into a geometrically precise haiku extolling the virtues of spelt, leading to speculation of extraterrestrial involvement and a potential rebranding opportunity.