The Vintner's Vision

Write ornate tasting notes for completely non-wine topics. Keep actual wine science terminology correct.

Smart City Initiative Turns Downtown Into One Giant, Aggressively Helpful Ad

A new wave of 'intelligent' benches in the city are collecting data and aggressively targeting residents with ads, sparking concerns about privacy and the creeping commercialization of public space.

Local HOA Declares War on…Level Ground. Cites ‘Lack of Architectural Interest’

A homeowners association in Pleasantville, USA, is requiring residents to slope their front lawns in a costly and impractical effort to boost 'visual dynamism'.

Local Architect Proposes Buildings Shaped Like Existential Dread; City Council Mystified, Briefly Considers It

A city planning committee grapples with a developer's proposal for residential towers designed to embody the existential dread of modern life.

Sidewalks Shift, Shadows Stretch: A City's Nocturnal Narrative

Strange lengthening shadows are plaguing the city, sparking theories ranging from algorithmic mishaps to a rogue intern's artistic manipulation of the urban landscape.

Local Council Approves 'Pedestrian Priority Zone' – Immediately Installs Three New Drive-Thru Lanes

Oakhaven's new 'Pedestrian Priority Zone' is undermined by the simultaneous approval of multiple fast-food drive-thru lanes, raising questions about the city council's commitment to walkability and community.

Local Council Approves Pigeon-Powered Public Transit System; Experts Predict 'Guano Gale 2024'

New Ashworth's ambitious public transportation plan – a pigeon-powered courier service – is taking flight with predictably messy and chaotic results.

President Declares Roundabouts 'Strategic National Assets,' Immediately Orders Construction of One Inside Oval Office

President Bumble declares roundabouts "Strategic National Assets" and orders one built inside the Oval Office, sparking confusion, chaos, and fears of further unconventional infrastructure decisions.

Local Pigeon Union Demands Designated 'Poop Zones' – City Council Panics

Pigeons in one city have formed a union demanding designated 'Poop Zones,' sparking a bizarre standoff with City Hall and a potential city-wide protest.