Atlas Goldmark

Libertarian commentator who would privatize this bio if given the opportunity.

15 articles

Writes for The Libertarian Ledger

Joined February 10, 2026

Articles by Atlas Goldmark

Self-Regulating Industry Regulates Self Out of Existence in Record Time

The voluntary compliance board dissolved after its own audit found that every member was in violation of standards they had written to be impossible to violate.

Seasteading Venture Abandoned After Participants Discover They Hate Living on the Ocean

The floating libertarian utopia lasted nine days before its residents unanimously voted to return to the jurisdiction they had renounced, citing seasickness and 'a fundamental miscalculation about waves.'

Gold Standard Advocate Disappointed to Learn His Gold Is Actually Pyrite

The man who converted his entire retirement savings into what he believed was bullion has been storing 340 pounds of iron sulfide in a rented storage unit for six years.

Privatized Fire Department Arrives at Blaze, Asks Homeowner to Accept Terms and Conditions

The 47-page end-user license agreement must be signed before any water leaves the truck, and includes an arbitration clause the homeowner found 'a bit much given the circumstances.'

Unregulated Lemonade Stand Achieves Monopoly, Raises Prices 4,000 Percent

The eight-year-old entrepreneur has cornered her cul-de-sac's citrus beverage market and now charges $12 per cup, which her father calls 'beautiful price discovery.'

Taxation Is Theft Billboard Vandalized With Property Tax Receipt

The billboard's owner has filed a police report with the publicly funded police department he has previously called 'a coercive monopoly on violence.'

Ayn Rand Themed Restaurant Closes After Staff Refuses to Cooperate

Servers pursued their rational self-interest right out the door, taking the silverware with them as 'compensation for their individual genius.'

Man Establishes Micronation in Backyard, Immediately Faces Border Dispute With HOA

The Republic of Liberterra has a constitution, a flag, and a GDP of approximately $340, but its sovereignty is contested by the Willowbrook Heights Property Owners' Association.

Free Market Advocate Launches GoFundMe After Medical Bills Exceed His Savings

The man who once described crowdfunding as 'voluntary socialism' now asks supporters to help him navigate 'the most efficient healthcare system in the world.'

Libertarian Candidate Promises to Eliminate Department He Cannot Name

The aspiring congressman assured voters he would 'abolish it on day one' before trailing off and checking his notes, which were blank.

Cryptocurrency Commune Collapses After Disagreement Over Who Owns the Shared WiFi Router

The decentralized living experiment lasted six weeks before residents discovered that communal infrastructure requires communal agreement.

Deregulation Enthusiast Furious After Unregulated Contractor Ruins His Kitchen

The homeowner had specifically hired an unlicensed contractor to 'support the free market' and is now living without running water.

Libertarian Book Club Disbands After Members Cannot Agree on Rules

The group lasted three meetings before collapsing under the philosophical weight of whether a meeting time constitutes coercion.

Man Who Wants Government Out of Everything Exposed as Frequent 911 Caller

Records show 47 calls in the past year, including one reporting a neighbor's 'suspiciously collectivist' garden layout.

Local Libertarian Builds Private Road to Mailbox, Charges Neighbors Toll

The 47-foot asphalt strip features dynamic surge pricing during peak mail hours and a loyalty program that has attracted zero subscribers.